I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
