Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
