Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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