I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
