I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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