About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
