dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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