I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
