ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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