I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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