Dual....:-)
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
