booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
