he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
