Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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