Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
