And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
