Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
