you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
