Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
