remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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