She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
