I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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