i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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