I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm at about main and main street
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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