how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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