It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
