If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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