Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
