But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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