guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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