i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
