jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
