I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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