My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
