so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
