Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
jump out the window naked night went bad
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