Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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