dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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