Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
