drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
