Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
