I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
