I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
