I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
