He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just google imaged poop.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
