Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
