I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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