I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
