i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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