Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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