make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
